The Spinbusters, a website run by professional journalists who have received awards in spelling and grammar, recently posted a blog entry entitled Human of the Year: The Newbie Journo. [See: Spinbusters]
The blog entry criticized younger media practitioners by saying that they were not the experts they proclaimed themselves to be, a status conferred only on “working journalists,” referring obviously to their delusional selves and their other multiple personalities.
Without intending to, the blog entry came up with several rules regarding the practice of journalism in the Philippines, which, unfortunately, didn’t cover the use of rock, a useful tool in journalism.
Here are five tips on becoming the next big thing in Philippine journalism, according to the Spinbusters.
1) Real journalists don’t study at or graduate from the University of the Sto. Tomas.
Because it’s a poor excuse for a J-school.
Under new standards set by real journalists at Spinbusters, my uncle can never fulfill his dream of becoming a journalist. This is because he graduated from UST. Of course, he can still be something else—engineer, novelist, or pilot. Too bad he’s dead.
2) Real journalists stay anonymous.
Because the information they blog about are so sensitive, real journalists at the Spinbusters refuse to risk being identified lest they offend friends, co-workers, and—gasp!—their employers, some of whom demand absolute fealty in exchange for salaries and pension fund contributions. Of course, the privilege of anonymity—that of being held accountable for the content of their blogs—has nothing to do with it.
After all, everything they say is true.
Trust them—they’re real journalists; never using press cards for free lunches, access to special events, or escaping traffic violations.
3) Real journalists use Wordstar.
If you still want to become a real journalist but haven’t used Wordstar at all, then your career is doomed, according to real journalists at the Spinbusters.
But you can still save yourself and your deadline-beating ass by getting an Underwood.
No, not that kind of Underwood but a typewriter.
Unfortunately, in their latest blog, experts at Spinbusters may have forgotten to relay instructions on how to email typewritten documents. Amateur tip: Sustagen Premium to reduce senior moments.
On that note: real journalists at the Spinbusters also don’t use Twitter because they find it inconceivable that anyone—especially experts like themselves—can send news in 140 characters.
Het spinnen seizoen gaat weer van start !!! Nog geen klant ? Meld u tijdig aan voor spinnenbestrijding rondom uw woning !!! — Spinbusters (@Spinbusters) April 4, 2013
4) Real journalists stay relevant.
Experts at Spinbusters make it a point to diss other journalists’ style of journalism, a completely relevant activity, next to nail-biting, dandruff-making, and perhaps even blogging. But our experts are quiet about a labor case at a Philippine media company. [See: Buhay Media]
5) Real journalists read and are big fans of Amando Doronila.
Doronila is a genius on Twitter.
Disclaimer: I am so much more likable on Twitter than in person. — Amando Doronila (@AmandoDoronila) September 7, 2013
When I first heard about Napoles’ pork barrel scam, I said to myself, I knew there was something fishy about PDI’s man in Hollywood. — Amando Doronila (@AmandoDoronila) August 16, 2013