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How to be a real journalist, according to experts at Spinbusters

The Spinbusters, a website run by professional journalists who have received awards in spelling and grammar, recently posted a blog entry entitled Human of the Year: The Newbie Journo. [See: Spinbusters]

The blog entry criticized younger media practitioners by saying that they were not the experts they proclaimed themselves to be, a status conferred only on “working journalists,” referring obviously to their delusional selves and their other multiple personalities.

Without intending to, the blog entry came up with several rules regarding the practice of journalism in the Philippines, which, unfortunately, didn’t cover the use of rock, a useful tool in journalism.

Here are five tips on becoming the next big thing in Philippine journalism, according to the Spinbusters.

1) Real journalists don’t study at or graduate from the University of the Sto. Tomas.

Because it’s a poor excuse for a J-school.

Screen shot of Spinbusters blog entry

Under new standards set by real journalists at Spinbusters, my uncle can never fulfill his dream of becoming a journalist. This is because he graduated from UST. Of course, he can still be something else—engineer, novelist, or pilot. Too bad he’s dead.

2) Real journalists stay anonymous.

Because the information they blog about are so sensitive, real journalists at the Spinbusters refuse to risk being identified lest they offend friends, co-workers, and—gasp!—their employers, some of whom demand absolute fealty in exchange for salaries and pension fund contributions. Of course, the privilege of anonymity—that of being held accountable for the content of their blogs—has nothing to do with it.

Screenshot of Carlos H. Conde's Facebook page

Screenshot of Carlos H. Conde’s Facebook page

After all, everything they say is true.

Trust them—they’re real journalists; never using press cards for free lunches, access to special events, or escaping traffic violations.

3) Real journalists use Wordstar.

If you still want to become a real journalist but haven’t used Wordstar at all, then your career is doomed, according to real journalists at the Spinbusters.

But you can still save yourself and your deadline-beating ass by getting an Underwood.

Carrie Underwood on Times Square in 2012 by Dephisticate.

This is Carrie Underwood on Times Square in 2012 by Dephisticate on Flickr.com

No, not that kind of Underwood but a typewriter.

Unfortunately, in their latest blog, experts at Spinbusters may have forgotten to relay instructions on how to email typewritten documents. Amateur tip: Sustagen Premium to reduce senior moments.

On that note: real journalists at the Spinbusters also don’t use Twitter because they find it inconceivable that anyone—especially experts like themselves—can send news in 140 characters.

4) Real journalists stay relevant.

Experts at Spinbusters make it a point to diss other journalists’ style of journalism, a completely relevant activity, next to nail-biting, dandruff-making, and perhaps even blogging. But our experts are quiet about a labor case at a Philippine media company. [See: Buhay Media]  

5) Real journalists read and are big fans of Amando Doronila.

Doronila is a genius on Twitter. 

7 comments
Nguyenchinh
Nguyenchinh

Morgan Stanley and Henry Blodget of Merrill Lynch    Xe đẩy Prestar had plugged a portfolio of Internet company shares t  

Nguyenchinh
Nguyenchinh

ards in the business here afraid to talk about  thang nhôm chữ a the real issues and hilarious gossip in the trade.” He added: “I think the spinboogers are clueless cowards—don’t or can’t talk about delicious real

Nguyenchinh
Nguyenchinh

ortfolio of Internet company shares that,  Bộ dụng cụ đa năng inside of six months, lost more than three quarters of their value at the same time that they were paid millions of dollars, largely as a result of the fees the   

MichealLe1
MichealLe1

Năng bạn và bản năng làm mẹ của thanh niên tập thể dục luyện tập cách tính ngày an toàn 1 bài xích tập Gym công dụng nhẹ nhàng như 1 bài bác chơi

scribblerjack
scribblerjack moderator

I was just defending good taste, a sensibility absent among members of so-called working journalists that comprise Spinbusters. 

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